This month's article is focused on "Tips for parents of teens". As I've previously stated, step-parenting at the best can be quite challenging & stressful. Having teens in your life with no prior experience of living with children of that age requires quite an adjustment! So I thought an article focusing on "Tips for parents of teens" could be helpful.

• Let your child be a child. Don't push your young adolescent or let others influence him/her to grow up too quickly. The expectation of adult behaviour on a child can put tremendous pressure on young teens. This can lead to emotional outbursts, resulting in inappropriate behaviours. Think of life as being a "process" in which we are "under construction". As parents, we don't want to just build "beautiful buildings" with little care given to establishing a "solid foundation."
• Be present and available. While teens don't want you "in their face", they do want you "around and assessable". Be aware of "mixed messages" teens may send, such as "get lost" but "I need you"! Discovering just the right amount of "spacing" - a "breathing distance" that is both comfortable & safe!
• Make your home a place where your teen feels like they belong. As a parent, you may not always agree with the decisions and choices that your teen is making, but communicate to them your love and acceptance of them as worthwhile, precious human beings. (Of course, if their decisions and choices are putting the rest of the family at risk, i.e., physical danger, then appropriate consequences will need to be considered!)
• Respect your teen's need for privacy and separation, but expect some level of ongoing involvement in and commitment to the family. I keep saying that two key words in life are "balance" and "adjusting". Avoid extreme "rigidity" & learn "flexibility".
• Make your home a place where your teen's friends feel welcome. Address them by their names - Even bake them their favourite dessert from time to time. Talk to them. Remember that though teens may have a hard time talking to their own parents, many will talk to their friends parents.
• Get to know the parents of your teen's friends.
• Make your teen's best friend your "best friend".
• Help your teen find an adult "mentor" or other caring, non-parental adult.
• Be alert for warning signs and sensitive to your child's needs during periods of change and transition. Teens thrive on being "accepted" and "wanting adventure." Be on the alert as to "how" they may be having those needs met!
• Be prepared for changing roles as your child moves through adolescence into young adulthood. Maintaining the same "style of parenting" with your teen as when they were a child will often yield disastrous results. Ideally, the role of the parent becomes more of being a "coach" with less "telling or lecturing" while the role of the teen is that of accepting greater responsibility to go with their ever increasing freedom.