Step-parenting at the best can be quite challenging & stressful. Adjusting to having teens in your life with no prior experience of living with children of that age can result in turning your hair grey prematurely! So I thought an article focusing on "Five Adolescent Developmental Issues Affecting Behaviour" could be helpful. Of course there are more, but I will limit our focus on these 5. These are:

Their "need for independence, freedom".
Conflicts over control of the teen's life are at the root of most problems between parents and teens. Parents say, "He/she is not responsible or careful enough to be allowed to ......" Teens say, "My parents continue to treat me like I am 10 years old." Few things are more difficult for parents than trying to figure out how to give teens enough freedom to learn responsibility and self-reliance while still keeping control over behaviour that is potentially damaging to them. The issue becomes one of "Who makes the decision." This developmental issue may express itself in such behaviours as staying in room, not doing chores, staying out too late, not doing homework, questioning values, questioning or defying authority. Excessive control can have the effect of creating unpreparedness. Parents who have tried to control every aspect of children's behaviour in their young years are rightly worried about their children's demands for more freedom in the teen years. Slowly removing restrictions, keeping in mind age appropriateness, can help teens become more responsible in their decisions. They may need periodic reminding of the relationship between choices and consequences.

Changes in thinking.
Slowly but surely their capacity to think abstractly grows. The world of reasoning and exploring options is beginning to open up to them. They can think about and understand consequences (though they may choose to ignore them). They now imagine, "What if..." These new ways of thinking make young teens convinced that:

• what's important to them should be most important to everyone else;
• everyone is looking at them and talking about them;
• no one has ever felt like they do ("Oh, Dad, you don't understand!"

It is pointless to try to convince young teens that everyone is not watching or that the feelings they are experiencing have been shared by others. However, parents may find it helpful to tell teens they realize they are feeling badly. Parents can offer support and encouragement by saying something like, "I'm sorry you're feeling unhappy. If you would like to talk about what's troubling you, I would be happy to talk with you."

Loss of self-confidence.
This may express itself in such behaviours as being clumsy, irritable, withdrawn, peer problems, concerns & worries over appearance and body image: skin, size, weight. Remember that self-esteem issues are very pronounced during this period and what others think of them is often deemed more important than how they think of themselves.

Changes in emotions.
Hormones, which set off physical changes at puberty, are also responsible for affecting moods and general emotional responses in teens. Behaviours such as being irritable, moody, withdrawn, problems with peers, anger towards parental authority, talking back may be observed.

Importance of peers.
Behaviours such as staying out too late, monopolizing phone, problems with peers, questioning authority, conformity to peer culture in such areas as fashion, language, music, media are often evident.

To Be Continued - part 4