Today I want to consider the importance of involving children in the process of decision-making. We all want to see our children grow and a primary element in the growth process is for children to learn to make decisions and take responsibility for their own behaviour. Rather than waiting until they are in their teens or about to leave home before involving them in making decisions, it is vital that we begin allowing children make age-appropriate choices. Two sources I found very helpful on this subject are Parenting Young Children (STEP) - Dinkmeyer, D., McKay, G.D. & Dinkmeyer, J.S. (1989) and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, Faber,A. & Mazlish,E. (1980). Note: For a resource to be helpful, keep in mind that one doesn't have to agree with everything the author(s) say. This, in itself, becomes a matter of choice - As an adult, we must make decisions as to what we will accept as being helpful and consistent with our value system.

Regardless of age, giving people the freedom to make choices empowers, increases confidence & strengthens their belief of their own worth as a person.

I recall hearing stories after stories of parents commenting how it lessened conflict in their home when simple choices were given to their children:

• "Which of these toys would you like to take to daycare?" "Would you like your glass of milk half full or full to the top?"

• "Would you like to wear your red mittens, or your purple ones?"

• "It's time for you to be in bed now. Do you want to go straight to sleep, or do you want to play awhile in bed and call us when you're ready to be tucked in."

• "Your drumming your fingers on the table really bothers me. You can stop doing that and stay with me, or you can go to another room to do it."

Such choices may seem inconsequential, but each small choice represents one more opportunity for a child to feel in control over their own life. There is so much a child must do or is told they can't do, that it's not hard to understand why children can become balky and resistant. So, if we can offer them a choice about how something is done, that choice can help reduce the resistance, and involve the child more cooperatively.

In a situation with choices, sometimes a child may say "No, I want this!", or "I don't want any of those!" Our reply as adults can be, "That's not one of the choices." Likewise, when a child keeps changing their mind; e.g. the child chooses an apple for snack, takes a bite, and decides they would rather have an orange. That's not one of the choices at this time - now the child can either finish the apple or not, but does not have another choice of fruit. The idea is that there are some things that need to be done, and some things that cannot be allowed. Children need to learn this! Remember that as an adult, we can structure situations and make the ultimate decisions, but our child can be involved in making choices within such situations, and feel respected in the process.

Remember that this whole concept of making choices/decisions was a responsibility that God gave to the human race at the beginning of time:

"The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, 'You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.' "
Genesis 2:16,17

The freedom to make choices is one of the greatest gifts God gave to humanity but exercising freedom without the corresponding responsibility that goes with it is an accident waiting to happen!